Let's take an adjudicated journey back through the year that just passed in the blink of an eye, shall we?
January
January would be the beginning of what would end up being probably the most insane and arduous six months of my life. Was I fleeing a war torn country with an oppressive political regime and seeking asylum in a foreign society that misunderstood my history and culture? No. Was I on an airplane that crash landed on a mysterious island with strange magical powers and smoke monsters and despotic inhabitants trying to murder me and my fellow crash survivors? No. Did I awaken in the aftermath of a biological apocalypse with no discernible hope of survival beyond fighting off hordes of undead meat sacks with unquenchable bloodlust? No.
But was I facing my final year of doctoral coursework, culminating in the writing and defending of a dissertation prospectus, teaching two sections of a general music class, taking both Spanish and French courses simultaneously, working Office Job 1, taking my written and oral doctoral qualifying exams, and planning my wedding all at the same time? YES.
I actually have the distinct memory of the ball dropping (hah), the year turning, and thinking, "Oh no. Everything happens this year." There was no escaping or denying anything anymore. Speaking of bloodlust, at this point last year, Professor Schmoobins and I were also well into a newly awakened obsession with Game of Thrones and in the middle of Snowpocalypse 2015, which was made all the more miserable because we had spent the Christmas holiday in beautiful and temperate northern California and returned for the New Year to an arctic pit of despair. Also, I posted about donuts on my wall no less than three times this month.
It was cold, dreary, icy, and busy. But the crap storm had not even begun to build up yet. And there were copious donuts.
January grade: B+
February
In February, the Snowpocalypse continued with increased ferocity. So much so, that we actually had some legit snow days at school. By "some" I mean more "a billion of them." This, in turn, caused our entire campus to become a cesspool of whining, asshole, adult-sized crybabies.
Cancel classes because of snow? "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR EDUCATION! WE PAY FOR OUR EDUCATION AND WE DEMAND IT BE SERVED TO OUR LIKING LIKE A BURGER KING WHOPPER!" Resume classes in spite of snow? "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR WELL BEING! WE PAY FOR OUR EDUCATION AND WE DEMAND IT BE SERVED ONLY WHEN WE DEMAND IT AND THAT MEANS NOT WHEN I DON'T LIKE THE COLDY WOLDY AND WANT TO STAY HOME IN OUR PAJAMAS!" (I mean, not that I blame them. That sounds delightful.)
Schmoobins and I ventured out one night in the midst of this arctic hell in search of a snow shovel and promptly learned that the ENTIRE CITY WAS OUT OF SNOW SHOVELS. How does that even happen? Anyway. One good thing to come out of Snowpocalypse 2015: February Edition was that our street became very neighborly as we took turns helping one another get out of our respective driveways. We even earned some warm freshly-baked neighbor cookies out of it. Win!
Oh! I also got accepted to present a paper at a regional conference in Nashville this month. So that was cool.
On the one hand, Snowpocalypse. On the other hand, Snowcation. And I got a conference acceptance.
February grade: B+
March
March was the month when things stopped being polite and started getting real. The prospectus and qualifying exams were no longer make-believe things from my fantastical hypothetical future, but real ass-whooping pain-in-the-butt rectal-probe-like (what is with all the butt metaphors?) visceral trials that I would have to endure in order to pass through this stage of my life, hopefully alive and with all limbs intact. The only thought that got me by this month was the repeated mantra "You'll get through it because you have to get through it goddamnit so quit your whining and just get it done." Which is a less concise and eloquent way of restating the ubiquitous corporate slogan. Or, you know, this:
March was also the month in which Professor Schmooblins and I got a new roof for our house because our old one had a massive leak and ended up being unable to withstand the forces of Snowpocalypse. Aside from the realization that our attic space was basically being flooded by constant rain/snow melt and convincing myself that we were going to die of mold poisoning (unfounded), this was a true blessing because our insurance covered it and we were finally able to replace our hideous red roof (hideous only because it clashed with our red front steps, red front door, red shutters, and red Japanese Maple tree named Sideshow Bob) with a beautiful slate gray roof.
The looong-awaited spring thaw would also begin peeking out this month, giving all us Planet Hoth citizens a reason to live again.
March grade: D
Actually, I presented in Nashville this month, which was a great deal of fun, so
March grade: D+
April
Basically two things happened in April 2015:
1) Our team lost in the Final Four.
and
2) I PASSED MY DOCTORAL EXAMS!
There was much eating of feelings leading up to, and then an equal amount of eating and drinking of feelings in celebration of.
May
We all know Happily Ever After is just a constructed fantasy made to set us up to become a society of disillusioned and disappointed overly emotional drones harboring impossible expectations of reality, right? That is to say the joy and relief from passing my qualifying exams, defending my prospectus defense, and completing my coursework was fleeting because it just meant that I finally had no choice but to confront once and for all the thing that I had been successfully ignoring the previousthree months six months year: wedding planning.
Don't get me wrong. I obviously was excited about having a wedding and getting married and becoming Mrs. Professor Schmooblebottoms. But actually having to plan and make decisions and commit to a menu and finalize our budget and and and? No ma'am. The hardest part was planning everything from two thousand miles away as we would be getting married in California and we currently live Not in California.
Needless to say, the eating of feelings continued with might force.
BUT! I also had one of the best few days of my entire life when my bridal party treated me to an amazing girls weekend the week before my wedding and it was AWESOME. Relaxing poolside at a beautiful Norcal winery, being ensconced in makeup at Sephora while learning how to hopefully not look like a hooker clown at my own wedding, an amazing dinner and cocktails at a fantastic restaurant, and just a wonderful few days of bonding with two of my closest girlfriends, my sister, and my nieces. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve the friends and family that I have. Do inappropriate jokes and overuse of poop emojis earn me bonus karma points or something? Anyway. The weekend was so great and I will never forget it. And now, thanks to this blog, neither will the Internet. Thanks, Al Gore!
Oh, and I turned thirty-five this month. Whatever.
Other things that happened:
1) Our city became hot as balls.
2) We gave our backyard a makeover.
3) I began Schmoobles's Husbanding Training: Phase One.
4) I realized my cat might possibly be a Star Wars villain.
June
And then June 1 came. The week of our wedding. And you know happened? I GOT FREAKING SICK. SO SICK. LIKE, I DIDN'T EAT OR SLEEP FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT SICK.
Ugh.
I'm sure stress was a part of it. Hahaha. What the hell am I saying? Stress was all of it.
Guys. I couldn't even eat at our rehearsal dinner. In fact, I distinctly remember excusing myself from our table and speed-walking to the bathroom so that I could dry heave and wretch a mouthful of acidy bile into the freaking toilet.
But guess what. We finished the dinner, I went back to our bridal house, did some final obsessive work with our flowers, got some sleep, and the next morning was my wedding day. And it was fantastic. Simple, relaxed, intimate, joyful, and fun. Recommend 10/10. But only once.
July
Look. From this point on, the rest of the year kind of becomes a set of variations on the same old, same old. How depressing. At least my year peaked right in the middle. Symmetry win. It's not bad. Just...monotonous. I applied for a billion jobs. I got rejected for a billion jobs. I've been working Office Job 1 for three years now. Later on, I started at Office Job 2. I continue to tread water and trudge along on the Dissertation Trail. Some fun things happened here and there along the way.
Oh, okay. For example, in July, Schmoobs and I spent a week at Hilton Head for a belated post-wedding quasi-honeymoon. It was great! My first visit to the waters of the Atlantic. Also: AMAZING SEAFOOD. We also took a day trip to Savannah, Georgia. The history and beauty of that place is fantastic. Well, now I sound like a jackass for being all emo and whiny earlier. Sorry.
I applied for jobs, I got rejected for jobs, I worked at Office Job 1, I worked on the dissertation.
I got to spend a week in Hilton Head and Savannah, I boiled some peanuts, I got a visit from dear friend Dan, we celebrated the Fourth of July downtown, and Schmooblins turned 38.
July grade: B+
August
I continued to apply for jobs, I continued to get rejected for jobs, I continued working at Office Job 1, I started teaching clarinet lessons again, I continued to work on the dissertation.
I watched perennial king of Bad Summer Reality Television Programming Big Brother, Schmoobs and I hosted some undergraduate students for an annual leadership cookout where I made some delicious lumpia, I continued to work on beautifying our adorable backyard, I repurposed few pieces of furniture to turn part of our kitchen into an awesome home bar, I endured a horrible cough and almost gave myself a heart attack trying to treat it with mystery Chinese herbal syrup.
September
I applied at a few more jobs, I got rejected for a few more jobs, I worked at Office Job 1, I started at Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I had fun cheering on Professor Schmoobles and his students on Saturdays, I continued reaping the spoils of our awesome late summer garden, and I began being bombarded by Pumpkin Everything (UGH), the reality that I would probably not get a salary job this year like I thought I would began to settle in (ALSO UGH).
September grade: B-
October
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I used up an entire weekend turning two pumpkins into a BB-8 just so that I could get a photograph of my BB and BB-8 together for Halloween, I spent Halloween cooped up in our living room with the blinds drawn and a big bowl of candy outside on our front steps because adorable little children in costumes are people too, and my program hosted a bake sale where I made diabeetus brownies. And Professor Schmoobs and I had our eleventh dating-versary.
October grade: B-
November
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I celebrated Thanksgiving, I participated in my first national conference panel, I became disgusted by many people on social media as I read their turd-like words concerning the Syrian refugee crisis, I enjoyed the beautiful autumn colors, I went on a little work weekend trip with Schmooblins to Ohio where I suffered the WORST heartburn I have ever experienced in my entire life and actually sought refuge inside a college stadium public restroom, I cooked up an awesome tri tip, and I decorated our cozy little house with cozy little holiday decorations.
November grade: B
December
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I started this blog and celebrated my first Christmas away from family.
So that was 2015. All in all, a pretty fantastic year, especially towards the middle there. May and June? Some of July? Top notch. The best. And then it's just kind of been mezzo mezzo since then. But I guess it can't all be
all the time, otherwise you'd get tired of it. (Would you get tired of it?) Or there would be a distinct chance that you're on cocaine or something. Regardless. I think it's a good thing that this one is ending and we get to wake up to a new one tomorrow.
I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends and I only really had a bad month or two because things got a little cold and a lot stressful during parts and maybe sometimes I get a little frustrated at the job (or lack thereof) thing. But there are fried potato things and donuts to help take care of the stress and the rest I'm sure will take care of itself when it's time. It really has been a very good year and I continue to be blessed with a life that I don't deserve, even as I continue to hope and dream and work for even better. See you in the new year as we all get to find out happens next!
Happy New Year.
2015 grade: A
January
January would be the beginning of what would end up being probably the most insane and arduous six months of my life. Was I fleeing a war torn country with an oppressive political regime and seeking asylum in a foreign society that misunderstood my history and culture? No. Was I on an airplane that crash landed on a mysterious island with strange magical powers and smoke monsters and despotic inhabitants trying to murder me and my fellow crash survivors? No. Did I awaken in the aftermath of a biological apocalypse with no discernible hope of survival beyond fighting off hordes of undead meat sacks with unquenchable bloodlust? No.
But was I facing my final year of doctoral coursework, culminating in the writing and defending of a dissertation prospectus, teaching two sections of a general music class, taking both Spanish and French courses simultaneously, working Office Job 1, taking my written and oral doctoral qualifying exams, and planning my wedding all at the same time? YES.
I actually have the distinct memory of the ball dropping (hah), the year turning, and thinking, "Oh no. Everything happens this year." There was no escaping or denying anything anymore. Speaking of bloodlust, at this point last year, Professor Schmoobins and I were also well into a newly awakened obsession with Game of Thrones and in the middle of Snowpocalypse 2015, which was made all the more miserable because we had spent the Christmas holiday in beautiful and temperate northern California and returned for the New Year to an arctic pit of despair. Also, I posted about donuts on my wall no less than three times this month.
 |
| Snow and flip flops. Seems about right. (ps. We have had zero snow this winter so far. Thanks, el Niño!) |
 |
| The joys of abstract writing. What was this abstract even for? A seminar paper or a conference presentation? Who can even remember? Not me. |
 |
| Speaking of seminars, I obviously take them very seriously. |
 |
| Donut post 1. |
 |
| Donut post 2. |
 |
| Donut post 3. |
It was cold, dreary, icy, and busy. But the crap storm had not even begun to build up yet. And there were copious donuts.
January grade: B+
February
In February, the Snowpocalypse continued with increased ferocity. So much so, that we actually had some legit snow days at school. By "some" I mean more "a billion of them." This, in turn, caused our entire campus to become a cesspool of whining, asshole, adult-sized crybabies.
Cancel classes because of snow? "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR EDUCATION! WE PAY FOR OUR EDUCATION AND WE DEMAND IT BE SERVED TO OUR LIKING LIKE A BURGER KING WHOPPER!" Resume classes in spite of snow? "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT OUR WELL BEING! WE PAY FOR OUR EDUCATION AND WE DEMAND IT BE SERVED ONLY WHEN WE DEMAND IT AND THAT MEANS NOT WHEN I DON'T LIKE THE COLDY WOLDY AND WANT TO STAY HOME IN OUR PAJAMAS!" (I mean, not that I blame them. That sounds delightful.)
Schmoobins and I ventured out one night in the midst of this arctic hell in search of a snow shovel and promptly learned that the ENTIRE CITY WAS OUT OF SNOW SHOVELS. How does that even happen? Anyway. One good thing to come out of Snowpocalypse 2015: February Edition was that our street became very neighborly as we took turns helping one another get out of our respective driveways. We even earned some warm freshly-baked neighbor cookies out of it. Win!
Oh! I also got accepted to present a paper at a regional conference in Nashville this month. So that was cool.
 |
 |
| One of the dangerous side effects of Snowpocalypse-induced cabin fever. Terrible Facebook posts. |
 |
| And posts where you infer that Florida is the penis of the United States. (ps. It totally is.) |
 |
| Reading my paper at colloquium before presenting it at conference. Fun times. |
 |
| My life. |
February grade: B+
March
March was the month when things stopped being polite and started getting real. The prospectus and qualifying exams were no longer make-believe things from my fantastical hypothetical future, but real ass-whooping pain-in-the-butt rectal-probe-like (what is with all the butt metaphors?) visceral trials that I would have to endure in order to pass through this stage of my life, hopefully alive and with all limbs intact. The only thought that got me by this month was the repeated mantra "You'll get through it because you have to get through it goddamnit so quit your whining and just get it done." Which is a less concise and eloquent way of restating the ubiquitous corporate slogan. Or, you know, this:
Swoosh.
March was also the month in which Professor Schmooblins and I got a new roof for our house because our old one had a massive leak and ended up being unable to withstand the forces of Snowpocalypse. Aside from the realization that our attic space was basically being flooded by constant rain/snow melt and convincing myself that we were going to die of mold poisoning (unfounded), this was a true blessing because our insurance covered it and we were finally able to replace our hideous red roof (hideous only because it clashed with our red front steps, red front door, red shutters, and red Japanese Maple tree named Sideshow Bob) with a beautiful slate gray roof.
The looong-awaited spring thaw would also begin peeking out this month, giving all us Planet Hoth citizens a reason to live again.
 |
| The struggle. |
 |
| Tre became a hero to cats everywhere by succeeding in stealing an entire chicken wing from my plate. |
 |
| If you squint hard enough, you can see the increasing insanity and vague desperation hidden inside this post. |
 |
| Snow, yes. But sunshine too! |
 |
 |
| Not my brightest academic moment. |
 |
| Nor this, really. |
 |
| But, through it all, I continued to be blessed with people who loved and supported. Later this day, I would receive a phone call from another dear friend telling me of the plans they and my sister were planning for our pre-wedding girls weekend. It was a much-needed glimpse into life at the end of this hell tunnel, and I could not have been more grateful. |
My cortisol levels skyrocketed. And so did the number of gray hairs sprouting out of my skull.
Actually, I presented in Nashville this month, which was a great deal of fun, so
March grade: D+
April
Basically two things happened in April 2015:
1) Our team lost in the Final Four.
and
2) I PASSED MY DOCTORAL EXAMS!
There was much eating of feelings leading up to, and then an equal amount of eating and drinking of feelings in celebration of.
 |
| And I emerged as a butterfly. A butterfly who makes krustless kweeches like a boss. |
The first half sucked balls. The second half was baller. The second half determines the winner.
April grade: A
May
We all know Happily Ever After is just a constructed fantasy made to set us up to become a society of disillusioned and disappointed overly emotional drones harboring impossible expectations of reality, right? That is to say the joy and relief from passing my qualifying exams, defending my prospectus defense, and completing my coursework was fleeting because it just meant that I finally had no choice but to confront once and for all the thing that I had been successfully ignoring the previous
Don't get me wrong. I obviously was excited about having a wedding and getting married and becoming Mrs. Professor Schmooblebottoms. But actually having to plan and make decisions and commit to a menu and finalize our budget and and and? No ma'am. The hardest part was planning everything from two thousand miles away as we would be getting married in California and we currently live Not in California.
This is not a wedding planning post, however, so I'll save all those details for another day. Let's just say that I did a lot of things unconventionally and the opposite of the way the wedding industry and generations of tradition dictate you are Supposed™ to do things when planning a wedding and I was so glad to do it.
BUT! I also had one of the best few days of my entire life when my bridal party treated me to an amazing girls weekend the week before my wedding and it was AWESOME. Relaxing poolside at a beautiful Norcal winery, being ensconced in makeup at Sephora while learning how to hopefully not look like a hooker clown at my own wedding, an amazing dinner and cocktails at a fantastic restaurant, and just a wonderful few days of bonding with two of my closest girlfriends, my sister, and my nieces. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve the friends and family that I have. Do inappropriate jokes and overuse of poop emojis earn me bonus karma points or something? Anyway. The weekend was so great and I will never forget it. And now, thanks to this blog, neither will the Internet. Thanks, Al Gore!
Oh, and I turned thirty-five this month. Whatever.
Other things that happened:
1) Our city became hot as balls.
2) We gave our backyard a makeover.
3) I began Schmoobles's Husbanding Training: Phase One.
4) I realized my cat might possibly be a Star Wars villain.
Turns out, I really hate planning my wedding. But I got a fabulous weekend with five of the best ladies on the planet out of it, so.
May grade: A
And then June 1 came. The week of our wedding. And you know happened? I GOT FREAKING SICK. SO SICK. LIKE, I DIDN'T EAT OR SLEEP FOR LIKE FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT SICK.
Ugh.
I'm sure stress was a part of it. Hahaha. What the hell am I saying? Stress was all of it.
Guys. I couldn't even eat at our rehearsal dinner. In fact, I distinctly remember excusing myself from our table and speed-walking to the bathroom so that I could dry heave and wretch a mouthful of acidy bile into the freaking toilet.
But guess what. We finished the dinner, I went back to our bridal house, did some final obsessive work with our flowers, got some sleep, and the next morning was my wedding day. And it was fantastic. Simple, relaxed, intimate, joyful, and fun. Recommend 10/10. But only once.
This month, we also took a short but sweet trip back to the mountains of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee to celebrate the wedding of one of Professor Schmoobles's best friends and whom we met when we were both graduate students. It was a beautiful wedding and a fun trip back to the place where Schmoobs and I began our own little adventure many moons ago.
I got married, guys!
June grade: A+
July
Look. From this point on, the rest of the year kind of becomes a set of variations on the same old, same old. How depressing. At least my year peaked right in the middle. Symmetry win. It's not bad. Just...monotonous. I applied for a billion jobs. I got rejected for a billion jobs. I've been working Office Job 1 for three years now. Later on, I started at Office Job 2. I continue to tread water and trudge along on the Dissertation Trail. Some fun things happened here and there along the way.
Oh, okay. For example, in July, Schmoobs and I spent a week at Hilton Head for a belated post-wedding quasi-honeymoon. It was great! My first visit to the waters of the Atlantic. Also: AMAZING SEAFOOD. We also took a day trip to Savannah, Georgia. The history and beauty of that place is fantastic. Well, now I sound like a jackass for being all emo and whiny earlier. Sorry.
 |
| You: "Quit your bitching, Acadaemia Nut." Me: "Okay." |
I applied for jobs, I got rejected for jobs, I worked at Office Job 1, I worked on the dissertation.
I got to spend a week in Hilton Head and Savannah, I boiled some peanuts, I got a visit from dear friend Dan, we celebrated the Fourth of July downtown, and Schmooblins turned 38.
July grade: B+
August
I continued to apply for jobs, I continued to get rejected for jobs, I continued working at Office Job 1, I started teaching clarinet lessons again, I continued to work on the dissertation.
I watched perennial king of Bad Summer Reality Television Programming Big Brother, Schmoobs and I hosted some undergraduate students for an annual leadership cookout where I made some delicious lumpia, I continued to work on beautifying our adorable backyard, I repurposed few pieces of furniture to turn part of our kitchen into an awesome home bar, I endured a horrible cough and almost gave myself a heart attack trying to treat it with mystery Chinese herbal syrup.
August grade: B-
September
I applied at a few more jobs, I got rejected for a few more jobs, I worked at Office Job 1, I started at Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I had fun cheering on Professor Schmoobles and his students on Saturdays, I continued reaping the spoils of our awesome late summer garden, and I began being bombarded by Pumpkin Everything (UGH), the reality that I would probably not get a salary job this year like I thought I would began to settle in (ALSO UGH).
October
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I used up an entire weekend turning two pumpkins into a BB-8 just so that I could get a photograph of my BB and BB-8 together for Halloween, I spent Halloween cooped up in our living room with the blinds drawn and a big bowl of candy outside on our front steps because adorable little children in costumes are people too, and my program hosted a bake sale where I made diabeetus brownies. And Professor Schmoobs and I had our eleventh dating-versary.
October grade: B-
November
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I celebrated Thanksgiving, I participated in my first national conference panel, I became disgusted by many people on social media as I read their turd-like words concerning the Syrian refugee crisis, I enjoyed the beautiful autumn colors, I went on a little work weekend trip with Schmooblins to Ohio where I suffered the WORST heartburn I have ever experienced in my entire life and actually sought refuge inside a college stadium public restroom, I cooked up an awesome tri tip, and I decorated our cozy little house with cozy little holiday decorations.
November grade: B
December
I worked Office Job 1, I worked Office Job 2, I taught clarinet lessons, I worked on the dissertation.
I started this blog and celebrated my first Christmas away from family.
all the time, otherwise you'd get tired of it. (Would you get tired of it?) Or there would be a distinct chance that you're on cocaine or something. Regardless. I think it's a good thing that this one is ending and we get to wake up to a new one tomorrow.
I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends and I only really had a bad month or two because things got a little cold and a lot stressful during parts and maybe sometimes I get a little frustrated at the job (or lack thereof) thing. But there are fried potato things and donuts to help take care of the stress and the rest I'm sure will take care of itself when it's time. It really has been a very good year and I continue to be blessed with a life that I don't deserve, even as I continue to hope and dream and work for even better. See you in the new year as we all get to find out happens next!
Happy New Year.
2015 grade: A
No comments:
Post a Comment