Stubborn Tomato: I'll have a Blue Christmas.

A Bluegrass Christmas.

I took photos to document everything, because it's only true if it's on the Internet!

This was the first Christmas I've ever spent away from my family. It was something I debated in my head and thought about for a long time all through the late summer and fall months. But, at the end of the day, it just seemed more financially responsible to save up our money this December, especially since we will be doing some traveling (including seeing my family!) in the summer. Do you know how much it costs to fly home to see your family in California these days, especially when you also have to fly with your little adorable ewok puppy as well, which adds nearly another $300 to your travel costs? About as much as a new mattress, that's what. (Joke callback.) And due to the nature of his job, we never know what Professor Schmoobs's holiday schedule is going to be like until fairly close to the holiday, and, by then, all the ticket prices have skyrocketed to oblivion. (BELATED FESTIVUS GRIEVANCE.)

So Professor Schmooblebottoms and I stayed at home this Christmas. I fully expected to cry a little, not going to lie. And, yes, there was some undertone of melancholy throughout the holiday. But, honestly, once you become an adult, doesn't every holiday season kind of feel a little melancholy anyway? It's not just me, is it? I don't need to go on Zoloft, do I? Maybe just more donuts? Some Vitamin D-onuts?

Anyway, I knew I had to find a way to find joy and peace in the holiday celebration and not turn it into some sad, depressing, tear-soaked Lifetime movie. And we did!

On Christmas Eve, we went out for a late lunch in one of the few restaurants around town that were still open. And it wasn't even a Chinese restaurant! I had chicken fingers and fries. Nothing says eating your feelings like tearing into a plateful of assorted fried things! Delicious. Feeling better all the time.

Afterwards, we went here, which, despite its unfortunate name, is actually a kind of neat place to go for assorted booze and booze ecoutrements (cheeses and sausages). While there we saw some fun things to sample, such as this:

Seemed appropriate for the day, no?

and this:

Truth be told, it was disgusting. My mouth tasted like smoky sugar grease for hours afterwards. So disappointing.

And then I took like a three hour nap because I can no longer day drink without falling into a coma afterwards. Enjoy your twenties, youth of America! Once it's over, it's evening naps and heartburn medication for the rest of your life.

But the nap was also because Schmoobs and I were going to the midnight mass at the Cathedral here in town. Look. I am not going to profess to be the World's Best Catholic. I don't go to mass every Sunday (SORRY MOM AND DAD. AND JESUS.)--although whenever I do go, I truly enjoy it, and maybe I should go more often--and my *ahem* social politics do not always align with Church doctrine. But I am a good person, and I try to treat others with respect and dignity, and I try to help those less fortunate than myself, so I think God, Pope Francis, and I are good.

In any case, I am so happy we went because it wasn't until the Mass that I truly felt in the spirit of Christmas. You guys. Nobody does a Christmas mass like the Catholics. Sorry not sorry. It's true. Especially the Midnight Mass. It was like: Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus! Here is ALL THE INCENSE AND ORGAN AND TRUMPETS AND CHOIR! It was awesome. (Schmoobs was a little overwhelmed by all the incense. I loved it. That's what asthma inhalers are for, anyway, right? I'm just happy he came with me.) The organist played a fantasy on the Westminster Chime during the prelude and it was amazing.

It made me happy, and somehow connected to my family in a wonderfully sweet way that set my heart at peace. Funny how religion has a way of doing that when it's not being abused as a tool for politics or war. Anyway. I would have loved to be able to include a photo of the Cathedral here, but even I have enough of a sense of decorum to not whip out my cellphone in the middle of Christmas mass. (I couldn't say that for everyone there cough.)

Fast forward to Christmas morning!

The first thing I did was change my Facebook cover photo. Because if I couldn't be with my family during Christmas, I could at least recreate it with Christmas ornaments. I made them! Aren't they cute? I was giggling to myself the whole time I was making them, when I wasn't cursing under my breath for smearing paint and drawing crooked lines with my shaky, overly caffeinated hands. Here are my parents, sister, older brother, younger brother, and all spouses, hairless puppies, actual puppies, and kitty cats.

Here is a little snapshot of the process. (Note: mug of coffee. This was why I had such a hard time drawing straight lines. Haha.)

My older brother, sister-in-law, and their new little human! They were the first little ornaments I made, and I was originally just planning on making them for part of their present. I was bummed out that I would miss Little P's first Christmas, so this was the best thing I could do to feel like I was kind of there. But then I had so much fun that I decided to do the whole family as well. Also, I get a little obsessive about projects like this.

Next order of business: FIRE FIRE FIRE! Here is Professor Schmoobs being a man and building a fire. Ew, "being a man"--how last century. I make the fire about 75% of the time in our house. Because we are so progressive and anti traditional gender roles, but mostly because I love fire. But someone had to take pictures, so there you go.

Okay okay okay, enough with the sentimental crap. Time to open presents! Let's start with Schmoobs. One of the things I got him was a blanket of his favorite professional football team. It is incredibly comfortable, if I do say so myself. I also allow myself to snuggle under it because my football team sucks multiple balls this season. (Go Niners!)

My younger brother and his lovely lady got us these awesome books because they know us perfectly. I told him that we were going to be even classier than ever before!

My parents got Schmooblins some money to help buy the inversion table that he has been wanting to have for a while that I kept trying to tell him not to buy because it is too expensive. So, hooray! Please note the adorable little miniature Star Wars lunchbox gift card holder.

Time for a snack break! Here are some of the tasty treats available for us to enjoy during our little holiday festivities. The box of Cheryl's Cookies on the left was a present from Schmoobles's mother and on the right is a fruitcake, chocolates, and mochi given to us by my aunt and mother when they visited us in the fall. I saved them for a special day and that special day has arrived!

Additional tasty treats because we have no self control. Schmoobs doesn't even really have a sweet tooth. I'll have you know it was his idea to get the pecan pie, though. Can't blame me for that one. Please to note the sausages front and center. While he may not have a sweet tooth, Schmoobles does have a thing for a good weiner. I mean, who doesn't? Ba dum. (Is this why nobody will hire me?)

I'm sure you noticed already because your eyeballs were surely drawn to it immediately, but let me also point out the beautiful copper decanter I got for Schmoobs as another part of his present. And by "his" present, I mean I got it because it's pretty and copper and obviously I wanted it as well. Haha. We are trying to figure out what to put in it, since we normally already keep bourbon, vodka, tequila, and gin in our home bar. Goldschlager? Jaegermeister? Fireball?

Moving on. He got other cool stuff too, but I was too busy tearing into my own presents to photograph it all. Speaking of!

Look at the awesome weiner dog socks and Darth Vader raspberry mints I got from the World's Best Ukrainian Yankee Flute-Playing Ethnomusicologist!

Very comfortable and hilarious. Thanks, Sarah!

Instead of buying presents for everyone, Schmoobs's family has a tradition of being assigned one person to buy a nice present for. It's great because you have less stress and end up with something really awesome. This year, his sister Betty got me and, learning that I like to daydream about having a fancy kitchen with fancy kitchen things someday, sent me something from Sur la Table.

Squeal of excitement and tingle of the loins!

And it is a Cuisinart waffle maker/breakfast station. AWESOME! A waffle maker was actually one of the things on our wedding registry that was not fulfilled, so this was perfect! Do you know what sorts of things you can waffle with a waffle maker? ANYTHING! You know what they say: Anything is a waffle if you try hard enough. I can't wait to get this bad boy going. It also comes with different interchangeable plates so you can do things like eggs and pancakes and infinity other things. Hooray! Thank you, Betty!

Look. Sometimes, you have to treat yourself.

So I did. I was doing some casual browsing in the weeks leading up to Christmas and saw this Baumalu enameled cast iron oval Dutch oven (cocotte, if you're nasty) marked down one billion percent to $30. I inspected it thoroughly and figured out that the only thing wrong with it is that there is a slight imperfection where they stamped the U in the lid. You can see it if you look closely.

But do you know what I call a slightly imperfect heavily discounted Baumalu cocotte? I call that MY Baumalu cocotte. So I purchased it, and promptly placed it under our tree and promised myself that I would not open and use it until Christmas Day.

Oh, the torture. I stared at that box every single night as I sat on the couch. My mouth watered at the thought of all the beautiful delicious things that dish would allow me to do. And I waited.

And finally, Christmas morning came. Thank you literally, Baby Jesus! Time to get my Christmas pot roast on.

Look at him. Isn't he beautiful? Don't you want to just caress him and softly whisper vaguely inappropriate things? Just me? Okay.

The beauty of olive oil heating up in the bottom of this dish was such that I was prompted to take a photograph. Also, I might have mental issues.

When the oil was nice and hot, I put in the roast that had already been seasoned and browned it on all sides. You know I didn't time how long each side took. It could have been three minutes, it could have been ten. Just pay attention to it and flip it when it's gotten brown or when your kitchen has filled up 95% with smoke. (Personal experience.) When the meat is fully browned, add in a whole mess of things. For me: Onions, garlic, potatoes, celery, carrots, radishes. Did I forget anything? A couple of bay leaves. Confession: I have no idea what bay leaves do. I just know that it seemed right to put a couple in. Add some herbs and spices. I think I did sage and rosemary. Salt and pepper. Then, fill up the pot with beef broth until the meat is like over halfway submerged. A really nice thing to do would have been to add some red wine. But since I didn't want to open a new bottle just for a little cooking wine, I decided to add a little bourbon instead. That's right, you heard me. When in Rome. I don't know how much (is this annoying yet?). It made the "glug" noise three times. Glug, glug, glug. That's how much bourbon.

Then you put it in a 300 degree oven for three hours. Google told me that traditional recipes say about one hour of braising per pound of meat, so three hours seemed right. Nothing is going to go wrong if you keep it in a little longer except that the the meat will become even more tender, just like the baby Jesus. How appropriate! But, you know, don't keep it in there for like eight hours because then the vegetables will turn to mush.

If you don't want to stay locked up in your house as it fills with the increasingly delectable aromas of braising meat, then go to a movie theater and watch a Christmas flick. That's what we did. Also because that is tradition with Schmoobles's family. We were going to do a second viewing of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, but decided to save that for another day and watched The Big Shot instead.

Side story: We went to the new Movie Tavern in town, where they serve you food and drinks while watching the movie. It's all fun and games until you realize your server is brand new and doesn't know what "on the rocks" means. So that when you order a bourbon on the rocks, you have to summon her annoyingly back so that she can bring over a cup of ice. And then when Schmoobs also orders a bourbon on the rocks, she also neglects to serve it with ice, so he has to summon her again, and she awkwardly apologizes and, instead of bringing him a cup of ice, she just brings him another bourbon with ice in it. So I guess we won out at the end.

Anyway, look at my finished pot roast. Thank you, heavily discounted imperfect Baumalu cocotte. You are perfect in my eyes. And in my heart. And in my belly.